It's been a while since I last wrote here and I think it's timely that I write one now as the new year ends.

I just finished writing my year-ender journal entry.  And I've decided to post an excerpt for a New Year blog.

...Now we approach the coming new year and looking back this year I’m proud to say that I’ve done a lot of good productions and have learned from all of them.  I only hope next year brings me much more lessons to learn so that I may grow not just as an artist but also as a person.  I’m truly blessed to have work, business acquaintance, friends, smiling eyes and a family who truly cares for me, and a God who watches over us all the time.  I pray we all receive abundant blessings from God as we enter 2009.

And as a yearly practice, I would like to thank all those who remembered me on my birthday.  I truly cherish knowing you and being your friend and family.

Dad
Mom
Rosetti
Richelle

SMS

12/23/08, 10:31 PM, Concepcion, Red
Advanced happy birthday! :-p 

12/23/08, 11:22 PM, Casas, Raffy
Happy bday felix!ü i wana be 1st dn..:p 

12/23/08, 11:28 PM, Veras, June
hapi bertdi 2 u! hapi hapi joy joy! ; P hav a gr8 yr ahead  

12/23/08, 11:38 PM, Villareal, KV
Hoping to be the first too ;) Happy birthday, Flex! :) ¤mWaH¤ 

12/23/08, 11:51 PM, Mangahas, Mahar
Happy birthday! 

12/23/08, 11:54 PM, Barredo, Cara
Happy Birthday love! :-) 

12/24/08, 12:00 AM, EnriquezSam
Happy birthday bro! =)

12/24/08, 12:00 AM, Guevara, Carla
happy birthday hun!:-D yaay.. You cn open ur present n0w.;-) 

12/24/08, 12:01 AM, Guevara, Robbie
Happy happy!!! Ü 

12/24/08, 12:01 AM, Guevara, Nikki
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday happy burthdaaaaay happy birthday tooo yooou!! :) my turn to greet! Hehe! Happy birthday love team :) 

12/24/08, 12:02 AM, Atilano, Peachy
Happy yappy buhuuthday F-e-l-i-x-r-i-v-e-r-a lalala! :-D love Peachykins! 

12/24/08, 12:04 AM, Barcelon, Jamie
Hapi hapi bday. ü 

12/24/08, 12:06 AM, Gaerlan, Pauleen
Felix! Birthday! Omg! Hahaha..
Happy birthday! :-D smile and be a happy kangaroo! Age gracefully! Kidding haha.. i miss you! 

12/24/08, 12:08 AM, de Guzman, Von
Hapi bday ü 

12/24/08, 12:11 AM, Borromeo, Caisa
Happy happy happy bday felix!ü love ya! 

12/24/08, 12:15 AM, LahozManny
Hi Felix, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Hope you have a great one, and pray you have many more wonderful years ahead. 

12/24/08, 12:24 AM, Mercado, Eric
Happy birthday! 

12/24/08, 12:25 AM, Laurel, Franco
To my dear brother! Happy Birthday! May God continue to bless you with the desires of your heart! May you have a great and fruitful new year! Miss ya bro! :-) 

12/24/08, 12:30 AM, Villaluz, Lara
Happy birthday ! =) 

12/24/08, 12:38 AM, Barredo, Ayam
Happy birthday!:) 

12/24/08, 12:45 AM, Cruz, Oggs
Happy birthday felix! 

12/24/08, 1:49 AM, Rosales, Ken
PileEex. Happy birthday! 

12/24/08, 1:57 AM, Alalay, Red
Hapy bday felxü 

12/24/08, 2:02 AM, Tanboliong, Thias
Hey pokix! Happy birthday!  

12/24/08, 3:49 AM, Imperial, Pam
happy happy happy birthday felix dear! Ü 

12/24/08, 3:50 AM, Hermoso, Sandro
I know i'm definitely not the first. But happy birthday bro! :)  

12/24/08, 4:41 AM, ReyesPinky
Haaaaappy Birthday, Felix bebeeee! God bless you very many! Hahaha! Enjoy your day! - ninang pinks 

12/24/08, 4:42 AM, Fabul, Laurine
Hey felix! Happy happy birthday! How ol.. young are you? Hahaha :) 

12/24/08, 5:07 AM, Tayag, Mark
happy birthday to you.. happy birthday to you.. happy birthday.. happy birthday.. happy birthday to you! HAPPY BIRTHDAY FELIX!;D 

12/24/08, 5:55 AM, Romero, Robby
Felix!Ü happy birthday! All the best! 

12/24/08, 7:58 AM, de Leon, Lovely
gud mrng bday boy! enjoy ur day! 

12/24/08, 8:20 AM, Constantino, Liza
Happy birthday, Felix! I'm so so glad to have met such an inspiring person as you! :) 

12/24/08, 8:22 AM, Pantaleon, Justin
Happy birthday! :-) 

12/24/08, 9:09 AM, GLOBE
Happy birthday! Globe joins you in celebrating this special day. May you be filled with love and happiness all year through! 

12/24/08, 9:57 AM, Lauchengco, Menchu
Happy birthday felix! I wish you all the best! Love you  

12/24/08, 10:02 AM, Garcia, Bobby
Happy birthday to my favorite idiot!  

12/24/08, 10:06 AM, Conde, Steven
Hapi hapi bday felix!üglad 2 hav u as a fren.ü 

12/24/08, 10:21 AM, Fallarme, GA
Merry Christmas and a Happy Birthday! - GA & Perky 

12/24/08, 10:51 AM, Alvarez, Dino
Happy birthday and merry xmas!ü God bless!ü 

12/24/08, 11:13 AM, Rebong, RK
Happy birthday! 

12/24/08, 11:25 AM, Cabochan, Laura
Felix, happy birthday! I hope you get to eat a lot of good food and be with the people you love this Christmas. Corny ng message ko, but whatever :P 

12/24/08, 12:32 PM, Robles, Ren
Nowhere near the first to greet you, but... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD! :-D Hehe! Hope it's gonna be another awesome year for you! 

12/24/08, 12:45 PM, Mulhall, John
Hey felix. Happy birthday. Hope it's a great day for you, and a great christmas. 

12/24/08, 12:49 PM, Ces
Happy Birthday! - ces =) 

12/24/08, 1:01 PM, Pangilinan, Jay
Happy birthday felix! 

12/24/08, 1:15 PM, Nepomuceno, Chinie
Gusto ko lang sana maggreet. My alarm went off and i remembered when we set it! Haha! Happy birthday my friend! Whatever's around the corner we're in it together! Haha. Merry
christmas too! :) 

12/24/08, 1:19 PM, Barcelon, Tess
My 12 Christmas wishes 4 u:
1.Happiness deep inside.
2.Serenity at evry sunrise.
3.Success n evry facet of ur lyf.
4.Family beside u.
5.Caring friends around u.
6.A love dat nver ends.
7.Good health w/n u.
8.Beautiful memories of yesterdays.
9.A nice day w/ so much to be thankful for.
10.A pathway leading to better tomorrows.
11.Dreams dat manage to come true &
12.A great appreciation for whatever u do.
Happy birthday. D x mas wishes r my birthday wishes for u 

12/24/08, 1:38 PM, Bolaños, Ems
Happy birthday felix!.. Mwah! Miss u..  

12/24/08, 1:43 PM, dela Fuente, Johann
Happy birthday felix bakat! Love you 

12/24/08, 3:35 PM, Rivera, Kyla
Happy birthday sweets :) mwah.  

12/24/08, 4:47 PM, Arcilla, Gibbz
Al0ysius! Happy birthday!ü 

12/24/08, 4:50 PM, Mercado, Miren
Happy birthday felix! Merry christmas too!ü 

12/24/08, 5:02 PM, Ramos, Vic
Hapy bday n mery xmas 

12/24/08, 5:16 PM, Arespacochaga, Chari
Happy birthday 

12/24/08, 5:29 PM, Eckstein, Hans
Happy birthday Felix! Ü 

12/24/08, 6:07 PM, Trinidad, Joel
Happy birthday to you and to Jesus! 

12/24/08, 7:12 PM, Josh Ramirez
Hey felix! Happy bday! :-) hope all your bday wishes cme true! Ths is josh btw! ;-) hope ur also enjoyn ur xmas eve! 

12/24/08, 7:15 PM, Torres, Only
Heberdey felìxberto:-) 

12/24/08, 7:30 PM, Chan, Teenee
Happy Birthday, Felix! Sorry I didn't get to call earlier but I thought of you all day ü I slept as much as I could today. Love you, honey! 

12/24/08, 7:32 PM, Benito, Brenda
Happy birthday! Gud luck s career pati n rin s love life! He he he! Meron b! 

12/24/08, 8:35 PM, Castro, Hannah
Happy birthday!ü and merry christmas.ü 

12/24/08, 8:38 PM, Trinidad, Joel (for Emerita Alcid)
She says happy birthday rin. 

12/24/08, 8:59 PM, Everley, Rycharde
A very happy birthday 2 u sex god :) 

12/24/08, 9:39 PM, Ortiz, Aye
Happy birthday felix!:-) and have a blessed christmas! 

12/24/08, 11:00 PM, Chua, Beth
Happy birthday Felix! And merry christmas! – noodles

12/25/08, 1:01 AM, Alvarez, Anezka
Felix! happy birthday and merry christmas!ü

12/26/08, 4:50:20 PM, Ramos, Jepoy
Happy happy birthday mirror:-) God bless and take care always. Peace:-)

Facebook
December 23, 2008

Jonno Alcaro wrote at 10:42am
Happy Birthday from Las Vegas!

Butz Peteza wrote at 12:11pm
advanced happy birthday dude

Sheryl Polancos wrote at 2:54pm
happy birthday! miss u! muah! :)

John Esteva Wilson wrote at 5:41pm
happy birthday baby!!!!

Jowee Ann Marquez wrote at 7:16pm
Hi daddy! :D Happy Happy Happy Birthday.. :D Merry Christmas and a happy new year na din! :D Hope to seee you soon! :D love yoo! :D

Carla Guevara Laforteza wrote at 8:43pm
Happy Happy Birthday to my Hun!!! here's to another year full of Love, Laughter, Blessings, Friendship and Achievements! Enjoy your special day! Love you!
Mwuah!
xoxo
Carla c",)

Edwin Cruz wrote at 11:20pm
Happy Birthday and Happy Christmas
Have a good one, or two. :)

Rosetti Rivera wrote at 11:37pm
am not gonna..not not not so not gonna greet you a... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
and will not tell you, not not not so not going to tell you that.... I LOVE YOU! hmph!

December 24, 2008
Cara Barredo wrote at 12:00am
Happy Birthday! it's your day...make sure you eat a lot okay...hahaha!
xoxo :)

Mawi Uy wrote at 12:23am
Happy Birthday from Hong Kong Felix! May the spirit of Christmas be truly in your heart :)

Ria Pavia wrote at 12:26am
A super happy birthday, Princeton! xD I'll see you really soon, 'kay? :) *HUGS!*

Lara Villaluz wrote at 12:40am
HAPPY B I R T H D A Y ! :D

Mariella Laurel wrote at 1:05am
Happy Birthday! ♥
Hope you had a great time celebrating today!

Franco Laurel wrote at 1:10am
Maligayang Bati sa iyong kaarawan! Miss you bro!
Theresa Agustin sent a Happy Birthday to you using Greetings. 1:16am

Raymund Concepcion wrote at 1:28am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FEEELICKS!!! :)

Patrick Samaniego wrote at 1:40am
Happy birthday oyshus!

Melanie Dujunco wrote at 2:02am
Wow.. Christmas eve birthday! :-D
Happy Happy birthday and Mery Merry Christmas! :-D

Chevy Mercado wrote at 2:05am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GOLDEN BOY!!!!

Miko Alzona wrote at 2:10am
Happy birthday!

J Young wrote at 3:17am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Mr. Felix RIVERA.... God bless...

Anthony Ong wrote at 4:03am
Happy Birthday Felix!!!

Yanah Laurel wrote at 4:17am
Happy happy birthday Felix!! Have a fantastic day!! love you!!! MWAH!

Robbie Guevara wrote at 4:33am
Happy birthday!!! :-)

Vee Salvador wrote at 4:42am
Happy Birthday! - this is VEA

Stephanie Anne Cuevas wrote at 5:59am
Hey Felix! Miss you, dear! :) Happiest Birthday! :)

Topper Fabregas wrote at 6:00am
Happy Birthday :)

Dexter Martinez Santos wrote at 6:16am
happy birthday felix :-)
merry xmas too :-)
happy new year na din :-)
enjoy your holidays :-)

Teena von Einsiedel wrote at 6:42am
Happy Birthday! :D

Cj Mercado wrote at 7:04am
Happy Birthday Dear!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)

Karla Reyes wrote at 7:30am
Felix!!!! Happy birthda and Merry Christmas!!! =)

Shelyn Tayanes wrote at 7:54am
Happy Birthday! =)

Jarrah Dima-Ala wrote at 7:58am
merry christmas! and happy birthday!

Jordan Aguilar wrote at 8:06am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Birdie Salva wrote at 8:18am
Happy Birdie :)

Rica Vina Cruz wrote at 8:45am
happeee beeerdaaay felixxx my love! :)

Thessa Bahia-Dizon wrote at 8:50am
happy birthday!

Marianito Santos Jr. wrote at 9:03am
Happy Birthday! have a good one!

Vince Mallari wrote at 9:10am
Happy birthday!

Erric Villanueva wrote at 9:14am
ey! Happy birthday Felix!

Jorja Hung wrote at 9:21am
Happy birthday!

Jv Mangahas wrote at 9:22am
Happy Birthday!!!

Bobby Garcia wrote at 9:42am
Happy Birthday baby Jesus!

Geru Gotico wrote at 9:55am
FELIX! happy birthday! :)

Richard Lasprilla wrote at 10:03am
happy birthday man!

Marla Miniano wrote at 10:06am
Happy birthday, Felix! :)

Cheche Colmenares wrote at 10:20am
Happy Birthday Felix! Mwah!

Raschella Velayo wrote at 10:31am
happy birthday felix! have a good one!

Gladys Co wrote at 10:37am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! :D

Hogi Cadlum wrote at 10:41am
Happy birthday, Felix! =)

Toni Urrutia wrote at 10:52am
Happy birthday and happy holidays! :)

Mako Maverick Banez Alonso wrote at 11:09am
regalo ka nga ng diyos! :P HAPPY B-DAY FELIX!!!

Abby Tang wrote at 11:09am
Hey Felix! Can you still remember me? :) Just want to greet you a happy happy birthday and merry christmas! Wishing you a great year ahead!

Reamur David wrote at 11:14am
Happy Bday!

Eric Patrick Mercado wrote at 11:20am
happy birthday brother!

Chinie Nepomuceno wrote at 11:35am
Happy birthday Felix! What do you say to the guy who has it all?
Share naman! Hahahaha! Love ya dude! :)

Ma'an Fara Santos wrote at 11:38am
Happy birthday, Felix! :) And a blessed Christmas! Take care :)

Glenn Ong wrote at 11:47am
Felix! Happy happy birthday! God bless you and more birthdays to come! :D
Merry Christmas narin! :D

Peachy Atilano wrote at 11:51am
happy golden buuuuthdayyyyyyyyy f-e-l-i-x....... :D yeay!!!

Sundee Guevara wrote at 12:13pm
happy golden anniversary! You look like the Oscar statue na.

Mariella Antoinette Salazar wrote at 12:21pm
happy birthday felix!
have an awesome one :)
and merry christmas as well.

Via Antonio wrote at 12:30pm
hi felix.. happy bday..=) take care and God bless=) merry christmas.

Jake De Leon wrote at 12:54pm
Fee-fee!!! Happy Birthday!!! : )

Marivic Yee-mercado wrote at 12:55pm
happy birthday, felix....be blessed

Bambi R. Santos wrote at 1:09pm
happy birthday felix! =)

Ia Lapid wrote at 1:12pm
happy birthday! :)
merry christmas! :D

Moki Villegas wrote at 1:20pm
happy birthday and merry christmas :)

Alfred-Amanda Lauzon wrote at 1:21pm
happy christmas and merry birthday to you.=) -aLFReD, aMaNDa & KeoN

Anna Santamaria wrote at 1:52pm
F-E-L-I-X-R-I-V-E-R-A! Felix Rivera! G-O-L-D-E-N-B-O-Y! Golden Boy! Felix Rivera! Happy happy birthday dear! =)

Jeremy-Benjamin Domingo wrote at 1:59pm
Happy Birthday Felix! Congrats for all the great work this year, here's wishing you an even brighter 2009! Cheers and Happy Holidays :-)

Francis Jerome G. Santos wrote at 2:27pm
Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas Felix!

Sam Sewell wrote at 2:38pm
FELIX!!!
Happy Birthday!!
Miss you!

Aye Ortiz wrote at 3:04pm
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FELIX! :D

Trixie Pama wrote at 3:11pm
Feeeeeliiiiiiiix! happy happy birthday :)

Pia Bonalos wrote at 3:18pm
happy birthday!!! pa-hawak naman ng abs, for old times' sake!!! :)

Ariadne Cristobal wrote at 3:45pm
Hey, Felix. Happy birthday. :)

Bench Bautista wrote at 3:50pm
Happy happy birthday felix! :)

Karylle Tatlonghari wrote at 4:11pm
hey teacher felix!!!!! feliz navidad y feliz cumpleanos!!!
love,k

Edmundo Abad Jr wrote at 4:17pm
happy birthday! ;)

Sam Concepcion wrote at 5:57pm
happy birthday and merry christmas!

Pauline Gaerlan wrote at 6:45pm
sing it with me: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FELIX, YOU ARE THE SPECIAL BIRTHDAY SNITCH!! and no, i will not sing the next line in public.

Randii Ponciano wrote at 6:55pm
happy birthday, merry xmas =D

Jo Ong wrote at 6:56pm
Happy Birthday! :)

Jo Ampil wrote at 8:18pm
happy birthday and merry Christmas beautiful man!!!!! i miss you.... xxxx

Amparito Sietereales wrote at 8:42pm
Happy birthday!

GR Rodis wrote at 8:55pm
Happy happy birthday to one of my favorite boys!!!

Mio Infante wrote at 9:46pm
happy burday brader!

Tj Topacio wrote at 10:02pm
Happy Birthday & Merry Christmas!

Nica Mapeso wrote at 10:22pm
Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas, Felix! :)

Anna Ishida wrote at 11:05pm
happy b-day and merry x-mas. :)

Carms Hernandez wrote at 11:28pm
happy birthday felixxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!!!!! how's life so far??? =)

December 25, 2008
Jared Philippe Mijares wrote at 12:05am
happy birthday!

Marjorie Caliguiran Rocha wrote at 1:00am
Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas!

King Agamemnon Hahree David wrote at 2:39am
Happy Birthday!
have a good one! :D:D:D

Hannah Arce wrote at 3:34am
merry christmas and belated happy birthday mister felix haha :)

April Riego wrote at 6:39am
happy birthdayyyy.. or well belated i suppose. :) hope you had a good one

Paul Doble wrote at 12:24pm
In America, it is still your birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY FELIX!

Cheeno Uy Macaraig wrote at 6:17pm
happy birthday FELIX!!!!!!!!

Vanessa Paolelli wrote at 2:08am
Felix!!! Belated HAAPPPPYYYY BIRTHDAAAY! And a Very Merry Christmaaaas! :) God Bless You!

Mikiko Yamanaka wrote at 4:16pm
Belated happy birthday Felix! =)

Noel Rayos wrote at 7:02pm
belated greetings sa kaarawan :) laki ng katawan ahahay

Manu Reyes wrote at 10:48pm
happy birthday mo pala!!! :) God bless you buddy!!!

December 29
Jenny Jamora wrote at 1:43am
Belated happy birthday, Felix!! Ah, Miguel...Miguel....you've come so far. From a humble, patriotic scumbag from Malolos to now.... You're blessed and you're a blessing to so many :)

Gaurav Kripalani Srt wrote at 2:29am
Happy Belated Birthday! All the best for the coming year.

Multiply

December 23
Tin Samson
happy happy birthday, felix!!! :D i saw you on the ABS christmas special hehe. hooray for the thespians! i miss seeing you around. enjoy your day, and merry christmas! mwah! =)

December 24
Dr. Fred wrote at 8:36am
Hello Felix
Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas to you!

Madel Ching
Happy Birthday, Feliiiix! >HUG< Oh, and merry christmas, too!:D

Sam Clarin
happy birthday!!!(^.^)

Jheck David
happy birthday!!!

Thank you to all of you and to those who I failed to include or whose greetings failed to reach me.  I'm truly blessed to have all of you.

New Year's Day (Russell/Krieger)

It doesn't happen often when you encounter a material that you fall in love with.  Often times there's usually a clunky side that you find weird or that you don't like.  But when you do find a material that you love, you'll do it with all heart and soul... unconditional love.

We just finished Songs for a New World by Jason Robert Brown and I can say that I'm grateful to have performed such a wonderful material rich with reality and full of life.

But what made it even more alive for me was the fact that it brought people together.  I've said during our company call that the cast got closer in more ways than one because of this show.  And that's what truly made it alive.  We literally made time to rehearse even if it meant rehearsing after Mulan's technical runs and that would mean rehearsing at past 9pm until we finish our goal.  Sometimes we'd be so tired, no voice would come out.  We enslaved ourselves for the show, but we did it.  And I'd like to believe it's for the show, for each other, for the audience.

We didn't expect to see so many people.  I didn't expect to get that kind of feedback either.  We were so fulfilled to see the satisfaction in their faces: people laughed, cried, were touched.  And that's all that matters.  We worked on the show because we loved it and we sent people home after the show with the love and the life of the show.

I won't hesitate to say that the audience loved the show, modesty aside.  That made us feel really good, like we're on top of world.  Of course, it wouldn't have been possible without Peachy's GREAT idea of putting this up and Robbie's PASSION for giving it shape and life.  The cast were very generous in rehearsals.  If people didn't do their homework, this show wouldn't have made it tonight.  But people delivered.  And with Janina's help and all the other friends along the way, there was no way it could've gone wrong.

It was truly a touching experience for me, not just because of the material, but because people truly worked on it.  And at the end of it all, I felt like the king of the world.  We felt like kings and queens of the world.  Not because of how good it went, but more because we know we became servants of the show and we gave it life and unconditional love.

Thank you to all who watched and supported the show.

"King of the World" (Brown)

It has been quite a while since my last entry.  A lot has been happening lately, and though I've always wanted a vacation to spend some time to do things such as writing my blogs, I'm very grateful that I have work that I love doing anyway.

It is a common understanding that something mysterious is something that we don't comprehend.  What we fail to realize is that mystery is something of a "revelation."  It comes from the Greek word "mysterion," which means something known only through divine revelation.  But before I bore myself of etymologies, what I only mean to say is that our lives are actually filled with a lot of mysteries; mysteries that are not creepy but ones that enrich our daily being.

While rehearsing for Hamlet with Repertory, I got a call from Dulaang UP.  They still needed an alternate for Orosman.  I originally said no to them knowing that I'll be working on my first Shakespeare, but something urged me to meet with them and see whether I can fit it in my schedule.  I did (thus becoming a robot along with my fellow robot friends, Red and Cris).  Afterwhich, I realized that Orosman at Zafira will be my first Balagtas.  I wasn't sure how I was going to deal with it.  I even asked my director from Avenue Q, Chari, if it was a mistake for me to tackle two unfamiliar territories, to which she only replied: do both and learn as much as you can.  I followed her advise and the voice inside that said I can somehow make it work.

I managed: that was a mystery.  Despite all the schedule conflicts, the unfathomable language, the exhausting but majestic choreography, the self-doubts, I made it.  Of course, I couldn't have done it without the people surrounding me.  Dexter Santos, our director, no matter how many times I murdered the text and the language, just urged me to keep on trying and searching.  Never did he doubt my capabilities.  Pat Valera, our assistant director, was always there to correct me and to set me back on track.  If not for him, I wouldn't understand half of the material.  Red and Cris were patient with me in helping me catch up with rehearsals and always encouraged me that I can do it.  Maita was always giving me an encouraging hug to tell me I'm doing something right.  My castmates gave me nothing but warm greetings.  I never felt like an outsider.  It will always be an experience to remember, and for that, thank you.

After that, Altar Boyz was next in line.  I originally wanted to be part of the cast since the material was good, but Chari Arespacochaga, our director, explained well that I do not fit in her vision for the cast.  But she asked me to help out by becoming vocal coach.

Once again, looking back, it was all for the best.  I had a chance to take a break from acting being on stage since September last year.  I was able to work on the other side of the theater again.  As Jason Zamora, our choreographer, said: you learn twice as much when you teach.  And that is exactly what happened.  I did teach the boyz what and how to sing.  I did share with them what I know.  But in doing so, I also taught myself quite a lot.  That's another mystery.

Some of the boyz keep on thanking me for being there for them and with them all the time.  I thank you guys more for trusting me with your talent.  You've taught me a great deal: from increasing my patience to improving my own craft.  And as I've always said, you guys already had it in you in the first place.  Jojo and I were only there to put the pieces together.

I'm passing on to you what my directors tell me in every production: you guys will go places if you just keep on getting better.  And I believe that firmly.

Direk Chari, thank you for trusting me to work with you.  Thank you also for passing on to me what you know and what I can do to better my craft.  Thank you (and Direk Bobby too) for convincing me to read more.

Jejie, thanks for being the water that cools down my temper when teaching becomes frustrating.

It will always be a mystery to me why I still cry on the last day of shows even if I've done quite a number of "last days."  Some say that sooner or later, you won't cry anymore, but to tell the truth, I will always want that feeling of crying everytime a show closes.  My God, I pray that I will always shed a tear for the work, the show, and most especially, the people I love.  Because, it's no mystery, where your heart is, your tears are as well.

Mystery (Saliers)

I say goodbye to a dependable and trustworthy "friend."  During the cast party of Hamlet, an accident occurred that resulted to a drowning (...drowned... DROWNED).  I did everything I could to try and save my "friend" and upon going home to sleep, I was hoping I would wake up with everything back to normal.  But it wasn't.  I brought him to his "hospital" the next day and the "doctors" said it might be too late to save him.  They performed "surgery" and they showed me that there was too much internal damage.  He can never be saved.


He was too young to "die."  But it had to happen.  And it was nobody's fault because it was simply an accident.  So I say goodbye to my N95.  I will definitely miss it.

Requiem (Mozart)

In one portion of Private Conversations, Boy Abunda started talking about life's journeys and how sometimes we find ourselves in places and positions that we never thought we'd be in.  In his case, years ago he would never have thought he'd end up in the TV industry and yet he's there by some stroke of destiny.  In my case, my past self would never have thought of stepping on stage to perform for people and yet I am here doing exactly that.  It's been a journey for me these past years and I am thankful that I have walked this path and have taken this journey.

Along the way, I've met people who I've worked with and people who have become part of my life.  Along the way, I've experienced things that enriched my life.  Along the way, I've realized that there is still a long way to go.  But I face this long way on a positive note with the certainty that there will be people from the past and the future who will continue to guide me; and that the lessons and achievements I've had will drive me forward to search for new things and new realizations.  After all, we must continue to learn and to grow.

Two shows that I've been a part of closed this December, Fiddler on the Roof and Avenue Q (the repeat).  In a way, it felt like I left two homes but at the same time gained two families that became a part of my life.  I've learned so much from these productions and I've met so many people; people I will never forget.  In the future, this is what will matter the most: the people whose lives I've touched and those who touched my life.

To my directors, I could never thank you enough.  I've learned so much from you that I feel like I'm equipped to face the next year with confidence and commitment.  Tita Baby and Robbie, thank you for trusting me with the role of Perchik.  Thank you for guiding me.

Chari, I don't know how I could've survived with Princeton and Rod without your generosity of time and patience.  Those 10am scene works really helped me find my way.  You taught me how to commit to my characters, and that helped me create firmer choices in life as well.

Bobby, I will never forget what you told me about always learning new things and about growing in my craft.  I will never be lazy and complacent.  There's still so much I wanna do and learn.  Thank you for putting me on the right track.  I promise to grow and grow.

As Rachel would say, we also learn from our co-actors and co-workers and so to my castmates and crewmates, I will never forget our times together.

Rachel, you are an incredible artist and a very generous person.  Thank you for everything.  Thank you for being a giving person on stage and off stage.

Teenee, you have been so sweet and caring.  I felt like I'm with family when I'm with you.

Ric, here's to the handstands before the shows.  Moreover, here's to all the material and insights you shared with me.  I truly learned from them.

Frenchy, you're the source of our laughter.  Not a day goes by without you making us cheerful.  I will miss you a lot.  Mahal kita!

Joel, you're a robot but with a human heart.  It's hard to find a person who's like that.  I have high respects for you.  I only wish one day, I'd achieve the level of discipline you have.  Thank you for all the advice you gave me especially with the coming of Hamlet.

Aiza, who else would eat a hearty meal with me if not you.  JT's is just so nearby so we better see each other soon.  Heto ang isang mahigpit na yakap para sa'yo.

Tita Girlie, thanks for your faith and support.  You are my Avenue Q mother.

To the Fiddler cast, I will always cherish our families in Anatevka.  It's been a lot of fun.

Cris, I will never forget our spunky moments onstage and the luscious brownies you were always willing to share.

Tito Jaime, thank you for all the knowledge you shared with me.  Thank you for exposing me to the higher arts that I may be able to expand my horizons.

Cara, Jejie and Alan, you've been wonderful companions.  The run wouldn't have been as fun without you.

Bea, Gabs, Caisa, Geegee, Pom, here's to the snacktimes and the meals we had together (especially the Via Mare bibingka).

Holly, Sam, Vea, Dustin and Daniel, you've been the source of youthful energy for a lot of people.  I'll always remember you too and I wish to see you grow in future productions.

Oliver, thanks for always telling me about press releases.  That was very thoughtful of you.  And of course, the dressing room wouldn't be as fun without your humor

Sam and Bella, what can I say?  You never fail to make me smile.

Tito Migs, Fr. Tyler, Tita Pinky, Tita Joy, thank you for being my stage in-laws.  It was a blast working with you.

I will never forget the whole cast of Fiddler and everything I've learned from you.

To the production, we would've never survived without you guys.  All hands down for all the hard work.  I don't know if I could ever do what you guys do.  But in the midst of all the efficiency backstage, you guys still make me smile and laugh like we're all just playing.  Thank you for being there.

To friends and smiling eyes, I wouldn't be where I am without your love and support.  A lot has happened in one year but I always feel you're there with me and beside me.  All the love!

To Mum and Dad, thank you for always being there to support me.  I won't be here if not for your care and love.  I love you.

To my sister Richelle, thank you for always praying for me and watching out for me.  I will always listen to your counsel.  I love you.

To my sister Rosetti, you are my Prozac.  Life will not be as happy as it is without you.  As the song goes, "I will never leave you..."  You are my best friend.  I love you.

And to all who greeted my on my day of birth, I give you my love:

In person

Mum, Dad, Diche
Avenue Q
Seussical the Musical
The Kleek
Kakki Teodoro
Kevin Concepcion
Blue Repertory

Calls

December 23

Jamie Barcelon 23.13

December 24

Jepoy Ramos 01.17
Mhon Lures 14.22

Text Messages

December 23

Jejie Esguerra 23.02
Hapi bday

June Veras 23.44
Hapi bertdi 2u! Meri krismas na rin! M rili uv bin part of my lyf...

Gibbz Arcilla 23.55
Hey Felix! happy happy Birthday!ü

Sam Enriquez 23.57
Happy biwthday big bwo fewix awon awoysius wivewa.  Haha. Thank u for everything.ü...

RK Rebong 23.57
Dikow! Hafi vertday!Ü ahey ahey ahey!Ü ur getn old!Ü

December 24

Von de Guzman 00.00
Happy Birthday ü

Robbie Guevara 00.01
Happy birthday! :-)

Mahar Mangahas 00.03
Happy Birthday, you schmuck! Congratulations for your year of what I suspect you did the most growing up. What a way to live! Kudos.

Miren Mercado 00.07
HapPy birthday fElix!Ü wishing u a great year full of bessings.Ü gudluk with everything! God bless!Ü

Fame Flores 00.10
Hapy bday kuya!ü

Lara Villaluz 00.12
Happy birthdaaaaaay! :) -Lara

Didang Dolosa 00.16
Happy Bertday!! :)

Cara Barredo 00.17
Happy birthday!Ü

Mikki Villa 00.24
Happy birthday idol! :) hehe! -mikki

Jay Pangilinan 00.26
Ho! Happy birthday felix! (golden boy)ü -jay pangilinan...

Manny Lahoz 00.33
Felix, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Hoep you have a great one, and pray you have many more wonderful years ahead.

Kyla Rivera 00.35
Sweets, happy birthday :)

Pinky Reyes 00.40
happy birthday happy birthday, sweetie! amfness wala ako mabilhan ng load kaya tx muna hahahaha! miss you!

Alexa Yupangco 01.00
Hapi brithday! Snc its aslo christmas eve, i hope ur shwr wd double d gfts, double d blessings, double the love. Ü

Sandro Hermoso 01.00
Hapi bday kuya!ü

Red Concepcion 01.19
Hey! Happy birthday uli! You're now a quarter of a century old! Woohoo!

Jack Rivera 01.25
HappyBEERday cousin! Il c u later.

Nikko Atienza 01.26
Happy Birthday Bro!

Micah Muñoz 02.06
Happy birthday, fix!

Frenchie Dy 03.00
Felix dear, hapi bday. Drive safely.. Im gOnna mis u. Take care! Mwah!

Raffy Casas 03.07
hey flx, happy birthday! ü hOpe u have a great one..ü

Bea Garcia 03.24
Happy happy birthday! :)

Franco Laurel 04.15
Happy Birthday Bro! I am so proud of you! You are one talented person and i pray that God will continue to bless you with more opportunities

to showcase your God-given talent! Hope to see you soon! :-) miss ya bro! :-)

Ren Robles 05.56
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FELIX! :-) Congratulations on your breakthrough year. May the next one be even more awesome! You deserve it! :-)

Laura Cabochian 07.07
Happy birthday, Felix!

Mark Tayag 07.18
happy birthday felix!Ü

Globe 08.48
Warmes wishes to you from us at Globe. You are most dearly remembered on your special day. Happy birthday!

Carms Hernandez 09.04
Hapy birthday friend! Libre libre libre! hahaha tc always!

Pam Imperial 09.32
Happy birthday! Mucho mucho hugggs! :-D

Oggs Cruz 09.36
Happy birthday felix!

Rhem David 09.51
Happy bday!

Vic Ramos 10.10
Happy bday!

Jamie Barcelon 10.33
Hapi birthday ü...

Jean Pierre Reniva 10.49
felix rivera!!!ü hapi bertdei 2 u hapi bertdei 2 u hapi bertdei hapi bertdei hapi bertdei 2 u *mwah*mwah* meri krismas na rin!ü -jean pierre

Marvin Ong 10.58
feeelix!! Happy birthday!! :))

Richelle Rivera 11.00
Hi! Happy birthday!! ü I couldn't text earlier because i was on the road frm tagaytay and low batt... C u later ü

Jim Ferrer 11.58
Teacher felix happy bday

Johann de la Fuente 12.42
...Having your birthday today, then I bet it would be a blast! Happy birthday felix bakat! Ü

Manny Licsi 12.46
Hapi bday felix n merry christmas!

Geegee Primavera 13.05
Is it today? Happy happy birthday!

Cheche Colmenares 13.11
Happy birthday bro! Luv ya

Jam Mancenido 13.26
Maligayang bati! Maligayang bati! Maligayang, maligaya, maligayang bati!:-D Maligayang pasko flex!;-)

Harold Cruz 13.28
Hey man, happy happy birthday! :-)

Caisa Borromeo 13.31
Happy bday felix! Love you!ü

Jaime del Mundo 13.33
Hey Felix! Happy Birthday! Take care guy! Ü

Randy Solis 13.42
Happy birthday garfield! Don't forget to count your blessings!:-)

Justin Pantaleon 13.55
Happy birthday felix! :-)

Gladys Co 14.18
Happy birthday! -gladys

KV Villareal 14.50
I know I won't be the first anymore... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!Ü The bunsos have finally hit the 25th mark :p Have a good one! Ü ¤mWaH¤

Gabs Santos 15.15
Happy birthday dude... -gabs

Lovely de Leon 15.48
hapi bday flix! c u soon!

Anna Sta. Maria 17.58
Happy happy birthday! Wish you all the best, happiness & blessings! See yousoon :-)

Marlo Castillo 18.03
Happy bday plaü

Deryk de Guzman 18.12
Hey Felix, happy brithday! :) -Deryk

Brenda Benito 18.19
Hapi bday 2 u, hapi bday hapi bday, hapi bday christmas! Mamamasko po! Joke!

Saira Graziosi 18.24
Happy bday felix ü hope you have a gd one xD Merry christmas na rin! ü

Thias Tanboliong 18.34
Hey pokix! Happy birthday! Ü

Ria Pangilinan 18.50
Happy brithday and merry christmas felix!

Hogi Cadlum 19.42
Happy birthday, felix! And merry christmas! Ü -hogi

Jowee Marquez 20.00
Happy birthday, dad :)

Teenee Chan 20.57
Hey Felix, hopy you've had a happy birthday, honey ü

Ems Bolaños 21.35
Happy birthday felix.. Merry Christmas to u n your family! Mwah! :-)

Dino Alvarez 21.52
Happy birthday!ü

Robby Romero 22.58
Felix! Happy birthday!

Red Alalay 22.58
Mery chrstmasü and hapy brthdayü

Marla Pabalan 23.07
Ey flex! Happy birthday! And merry xmas!Ü

JC Tolentino 23.10
Felix, idol! haPpY Birthday!Ü

Gel Santos (Australia) 23.56
flex,and a happy birthday to you;)

December 25

Steven Conde 01.31
ey felix belated happy bday...

Nica Reynoso 11.29
Merry Christmas, kuya chunky!ü and happy birthday? Is it today? I think it was yesterday, Sorry :s um, better late than never, dba! I miss you!

god bless- nica

Toff de Venecia 13.35
Hey felix. Happy birthday all the way frm ny!

Facebook

December 25

Jared Mijares 12.26

Felix,

You're not celebrating in an airplane hangar this year, but I imagine you'd be performing on your birthday. My friend Ton saw you in Avenue Q,

and he asked if I knew you from Kundi. He says you're a wonderful stage actor. I am green with envy!

Anyways, merry merry and happy happy to you and your family!

Jared

Friendster

December 25

Sabeth Roquez 04.50

Happy Birthday Felix! I hope you have a good one. I also wish you and your family a blessed Christmas =) Uwi pala ako jan ng Jan.25-Feb 13. Do

you have any shows we can watch? Para naman mapanood kita. naks! Hope we can meet up when we visit =)

Take Care,
SaBeTh

Multiply

December 24

Ken Rosales 01.08

e di happy birthday!

i dunno how else to get to you. i havnt seen you online lately. (yea, ive been online, believe it or not). and i dont know your number coz nasira

phone ko. eh di ka naman na nagparamdam. whats wrong? its been about a year. seriously. coz i remember that i was back in taiwan pa when we

last talked. too busy with showbiz... i bet and you forget old friends na. i asked justin for you number. but when i texted, that number replied

"wrong number" so i dunno... but anyway... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, however way you spend it. and merry xmas, or as i used to say it, felix navidad

Jay Carandang 01.36

I don't know pala ur number so multiply na lang. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! woohoo!! you're so high up there. BWAHAHAHA. kidding.

Raul Montesa 02.55

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

GA Fallarme 06.40

Ey Felix! Merry Christmas and a Happy Birthday! :D

Harry Cheng 07.45

happy birthday!
and advanced merry christmas!
sorry for the late (kinda) greeting...

Sam Clarin 10.17

Merry Christmas! and Happy Birthday!!!! :P

Multiply Comments

Monica Tiosejo
belated happy birthday, felix :)
and a merry christmas to you and your family :P

Hannah Flores
happy birthday:):):)

Madelle Ching
Happy Birthday Felix!:) oh no am i too late? uh-oh! haha ummm...

Merry Christmas Felix!:))

Jana Fyfe
happy birthday sir felix! =)

Oli del Rosario
happy birthday felix!!!! mwah mwah!

Ariel Reonal
(youtube video)

April Riego
happy birthday!

Nelson Caruncho
Happy Birthday!

I've gone through a lot this year and the journeys been wonderful, but with people like you who love me and guide me, my journeys will always end in the land of the loving where I will be set off to new journeys.  And in each lands of love, I always feel I'm home.  Thank you.

"Land of the Loving" (Benoit/Winkler) 

The pursuit of dreams --- this has been most people's way to 'happily ever after.'  Sometimes it gets too farfetched that people get carried away into daydreaming about fantasies instead of living reality.  And let's admit it, we all have fantasies; but what is it that draws the line between our practical dreams (i.e. our goals, our ambitions) from our unrealistic dreams (such as fantasies)?  And must we not have fantasies and must we keep ourselves grounded to reality?

Just so that it's clear, this is all because of "Enchanted."  It's not some big life philosophy that I'm gonna ramble about (maybe, just a little of that).  It just struck me a while ago how fantasy and reality collided and eventually mixed up in that movie and I do like the idea of it.  Like I said, we all have our dreams and fantasies.  Moreover, we want them to come true; even the unrealistic farfetched ones.  I'll admit, if I had a choice, I'd really want the biological ability to control fire, silly as it may sound.  But on a mundane level, I do have dreams of making it somewhere, somehow.  Some of them may sound impossible, others, maybe improbable.  so should I just whisk them away and forget about them because I might just get distracted?

I remember talking to my co-actor in Repertory about her paper on 'reason vs. emotion' and if one is more important than the other.  What I told Sam was that it isn't a case of what is more important; rather, it's a case of how they are unified.  She gave me some scenarios where it would seem one is definitely independent from the other.  But it all boils down to how emotion is our raw power while reason is the one that directs it.  We, as humans, cannot survive having one without the other.  Emotion without reason will make us primal making us no different from animals.  Reason without emotion will make us inhuman making us no different from machines.

I take the case of goals vs. fantasies the same way.  Goals are rooted on our reason while fantasies are somehow based on our whims.  But what stretches our will to reach for our goals is precisely those fantasies that we think of.  It may be that we choose our goals from our fantasies.  And our fantasies allow us to reach for further goals when we reach our immediate ones.  For example, for a beginning journalist it may be a goal to become a news reporter and a fantasy to become a media mogul.  But as he/she reaches her goal of being a news reporter, somehow, the fantasy of becoming a media mogul becomes closer and closer to his/her reach.

It's the union of both that should be our focus in life when it comes to reaching dreams.  We may hug an olive tree and wish for something to be true but we must work on what we want to reach.  The same way that when we reach a dead-end in our goals, maybe hugging an olive tree will give us a spark of hope that there is a way, if we will it, and our will gets encouraged, if we find a way... until it becomes a will, and a way cycle (not all cycles are vicious).

And on a side note, watch our rerun of Avenue Q from December 14 to 23, RCBC Romulo Theater.

"An Olive Tree" (Trzetrzelewska/White/Robinson)

Last September 23, we closed Avenue Q Manila.  It's been a wonderful journey: from the auditions, to callbacks, to puppetry workshops, to rehearsals, to the actual run.  I've learned so much as an actor and as a performer and I have my directors and co-actors to thank.  Playing Princeton and Rod wasn't exactly a stroll in the park.  In fact, I cried once because I felt the pressure of what I had to learn, to achieve.  If not for all of them, I would've probably failed.

Now, I look at my calendar and I see no scheduled show for my Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  It will feel different not having to drive to RCBC, buy Mary Grace, ask my puppets if they're ready for the run.  It will not be the same not having to do handstands with Ric, discuss stuff with Joel, hang out with Rachel, Frenchie and Teenee in their room, talk food with Aiza.  I'll miss hugging the crew.  I'll even miss Bobby and Chari picking on me from time to time.

It was a different high having to perform with countless laughter from the audience.  Like I say to most people, there's nothing more fulfilling for an artist than to know that his/her audience has felt something living within them because of what he/she has shared.  To see our audience laughing, happy and smiling is a priceless moment always.  Now, they will only be memories, ones that I would never dare to forget.

All good things must come to an end so they say.  Everything great in this world is only for now.  No matter how happy we were with Avenue Q, it must also come to an end and so we say goodbye and look forward knowing we've done something good.  But I hope the mark we leave will stay longer than just 'now.'  We hope the reality that Avenue Q portrayed will shake people to look around and actually see what is going on.  The musical may be funny but it tells us a lot about what our society is now.  It also probably tells us that we have to do something about it.  Those are the things we hope will stay in our minds for a lifetime.

I usually cry at the end of every production.  I didn't cry much with Avenue Q (except when I was driving home).  But I was very sad because I felt like I was leaving it behind and moving on to a new production with 'security blankets.'  I will have different directors and different co-actors and a different production team.  But I realized that I'm not leaving anything behind so long as I keep what I learned.  In a way, all the past productions I did are still with me now and there will always be a connection between them and me.  It's precisely this "rainbow connection" of an artist to his past that gives him his inner life in the present.

So now I pack my bags and leave Avenue Q and move to another neighborhood, Anatevka.  But my bags are filled with lessons and experiences from Avenue Q and the other productions.  Yes, I won't be lazy and I will get better everytime I can.  That's the best way I can repay my directors and my co-workers.

I close the door and walk away from Avenue Q... but only for now.  I'll be moving back in come December.



"Only for Now" (Marx/Lopez)
"Rainbow Connection" (Williams/Ascher)

Let's say you work in a typical office with the usual hierarchy of boss and employees; would you dare to enter your top boss' office and ask him to feed you your lunch?

Today, I watched Evan Almighty with my family.  It was a funny movie.  It's not exactly Academy Award material but it had a good strong message and a lot of good insights too.

One of them was the conversation between God and Evan Baxter about the story of Noah and the Ark.  It is true that most people see this story as a story of power and wrath.  It's a long narration of how God can wipe out the face of the earth with a simple thought.  But it is true that it is also a story of love and togetherness.  God, in the movie, pointed out that the pairs of animals stood and walked by each other throughout the whole story and throughout its journey.  And there's also Noah's family who stood by him despite every doubt that was cast by everyone else.  Noah's story is, indeed, not just a story of wrath but a story of great love too.

It is also not just a story of love but a story of salvation.  God didn't exactly say, build an ark and make sure nobody else boards it.  Noah did tell the people to board it to save themselves from the imminent calamity but nobody chose to believe him.

Choice.  It's a very powerful word if you look at it closely.  I was discussing that with my sister this morning.  And we got into this God's will (destiny) versus choice topic.  It's kinda weird for anyone to believe that everything is written on stone and at the same time believe that he or she has a say in it: fate versus free will.  I shared an insight to my sister on how I kinda resolve this issue in my head.  In life, I've said it more than once, there are things that are out of our control.  Whatever choice we make, it will be there.  We cannot choose the weather; we cannot choose how we're born.

Then there are those things we can choose such as what to eat or how to live.  What is beyond our choice, for me, is destiny.  We cannot choose a storm to go away the same way we cannot choose to be immortal.  However, we can choose how to deal with those situations.  It is a choice to prepare for a storm or for death; it is also a choice to ignore their reality.  We cannot choose fate but it is our choice how to get there or how to resist its being.

Back to movie, Evan's wife chose to leave him as he was appearing to by psychotic.  I don't blame her.  If my dad wanted to build an ark without any notice, I'd be very alarmed.  But after a conversation with "Al Mighty" the diner waiter, she realized that Evan's building an ark was just an answered prayer: for their family to be together.  So she chose to go back.

She couldn't choose for her husband.  That's fate.  But she chose to stand by him.  That's free will.

Her prayer was answered.  Because the family stood by Evan, all of them got closer trying to build this humongous ark.  "Al Mighty" said that when someone prays for something, God doesn't exactly always give the person what he or she needs, instead, He gives them the opportunity to have it.  Praying for family togetherness doesn't mean the family will get warm fuzzy feelings.  It means God will give them the opportunity to have it.  That's what he said.

And it's true.  There is a fine line between faith and being presumptuous and the only thing that separates them is humility.  We don't pray for something and expect it to come.  We're not a provider in the God-man relationship in the first place.  We pray for something to come because we acknowledge that we do need help.  And if you look well enough, you will see that this acknowledgment will open your eyes to the opportunities of help everywhere.  You simply have to choose it.  And in taking those opportunities, your "prayer for help" is answered.

You wouldn't dare ask your top boss to feed you your lunch.  The more we shouldn't expect all prayers to be just answered and fed to us.  But we can choose to pursue our prayers and the opportunities that come along with it, and who knows we might actually find out that our  personal "food for the gods" are actually side by side that pursuit.



On a side note, here's a picture of Avenue Q in ASAP.  It will be aired September 2.  Watch us!  It's worth the choice.

"Side by Side" (Woods)

Last night, Blue Repertory's "The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee" did its final run, closing after 3 weekends of successful, full-house shows.  While the laughter of the audience was heard, the cast and the crew's sadness was apparent.  After 3 months of working together, we shall have to pack up our stuff and take to heart the song, "Goodbye."

It feels like it was just yesterday when we had a meeting in Kenny Rogers about this production.  I still get flashbacks of rehearsals at Liza Constantino's house and Ren Robles' condominium.  I still remember the time when I thought I was gonna be in trouble with the music aspect of the show.  But in the end, the cast proved that their work paid off with each audience going home happy as evident proof. 

Andrei and I would always say that what matters most is not vanity but service; service to the people they will perform for.  It's not about how good they were but how much they have shared to help the people relive their lives.  I thank God that this was how they performed the show.

There's so much to say and I am very sad that it had to end this quickly, but everything comes to an end.  But then again, each end is a beginning.  And I do believe in that.

Thank you all for having me in your journey.  May we still have other journeys to have as we cherish this journey we are leaving.  I am proud of you guys!

For the things that cannot be expressed in words, here's something I worked on until 7.30am.

"At the Beginning" (Flaherty/Ahrens)

You know the circumstances when someone is very uptight and is commonly the cause of stress among people; and most of the time he or she is said to must've missed his or her childhood?  Sometimes it makes you think, what exactly is childhood.  I mean there's this whole bit about be childlike or always find the child in your heart (young at heart, so to speak) but it makes you wonder, what is it to be a child, especially in today's "child" generation.

Recently, I worked with Blue Repertory to produce "The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee" (I swear, William Finn must be half Filipino to create such a long title).  It's a musical comedy about, well, a spelling bee.  The comedy is rooted on a couple of things: there's the ridiculous cast acting like geeky kids.  There's the silly mannerisms each contestant has and of course, there's the comedy about the characters lives.  As with most sitcom comedies, it's the circumstance that makes it funny, but if looked upon as a reality, sometimes, it's actually not that funny.

Take for example the character of Olive Ostrovsky.  She loves the dictionary.  She loves reading it on the toilet.  She loves to play around with vowels; Olive to I love.  She loves saving a symbolical chair for her mother who's in India for a spiritual quest.  She's funny that way, but in truth, she's abandoned and alone.

There's Logainne Schwartzandgrubenierre who's the daughter of 2 gay fathers.  She's the head of the gay-straight alliance.  She has lisp.  She's a political lobbyist at the age of 10.  Her last name is the combination of Schwartz and Grubenierre (as if that's not obvious).  She's funny that way, but in truth, she feels like she doesn't have an identity.

These are kids of today.  You see kids staying up as late as 2am when they should be having an 8 hour sleep for their health and growth.  You see kids smoking at the age of 12 when there bones are still at a crucial stage of development.  You see kids acting like know-it-alls when they should have a sense of innocence and purity.  And we wonder why we often hear the majority of the adult population saying, "Woe is me."

Most kids do things nowadays and they don't even have a reason for doing them.  Most of the time, it's because it's "cool."

As grown-ups we often say we need direction in our life.  When do we start having these directions?  Children nowadays may seem to have no direction from parents.  However, sometimes, it would be more appropriate to say that they have too much direction, too much direction by example.  In theater, there is direction by demonstration which tends to lead an actor to a more rigid interpretation of character as opposed to direction by motivation. In child development, it may be said that there is direction by example.  Children's minds are like sponges; they take in anything.  What adults do, they will mimic; and paired with no guidance, direction by example can lead to a wrong direction.

What kids nowadays need is guidance more than direction.  Guidance will lead them to form their very own individuality which will lead them to self-mastery.  Same way that directors who motivate instead of demonstrate help actors to better understand characters (and therefore will lead to a more organic treatment).  But then with today's level of stress and work load, children are often left fending for themselves, growing up as sponges seeping stuff from all directions.

It's sad, but there is still something we can do about it.  Most of us may have grown up already but there are still people who are younger than us who may need guidance.  We don't have to provide answers for them, we may simply have to help them find their way.  It's like helping a plant strengthen its stems by attaching it to poles.  We can be guides to younger people.

***

On a side note, Blue Repertory's "...Spelling Bee" (sorry too long) is still running for one more weekend.  It is truly a hilarious show: wonderful cast and beautiful material.  Watch it... and maybe you can analyze each character as well and realize that there is something twisted in each of them.  Direction by Andrei Pamintuan with Toff de Venecia as Assistant Director (fantastic direction; audience always went home with a smile), Choreography by Pom Docena and Musical direction by me.

"Woe is Me" (Finn)

There are lots of things we aim for in life and ideally, to get these things, we work hard and we do the necessary things to achieve them. We hope; we pray; we claim. Sometimes we get them; sometimes we don't. And if we don't get them, we get disappointed or worse, we lose the drive to try again

Sometimes, when I don't get a project I like, it's okay for me and other times, I get frustrated. I noticed that I get very frustrated when I expect it to be mine. I fall hard when I end up owning the project.

But when the same way, when I get something I didn't really expect to get, the ecstacy is twice as much.

I went to a vtr for a noodles tvc. It just so happens that during this time, I was also busy rehearsing for Repertory Philippines' Broadway Showstoppers (which runs every Tuesday, 8pm along Greenbelt 2 dining corridor; so watch). When I was called to the final casting/pairing, I had to request to be first because I had to rush to Repertory for rehearsals, especially since our director was going to watch that day. The pairing should be done with all present talents but I was only able to do it with one then I had to leave. I already knew that I wasn't gonna get it. I mean, I rushed it and didn't get to finish it.

Next thing I know, I was being called for a 2nd pairing. Apparently, according to the director, I almost got the project but someone raised a concern, so to finalize the casting, he had to do another pairing. That day, I haven't eaten who knows how many hours and I was so tired. When I got the pairing at 8pm, I was famished and exhausted. I just knew I wasn't gonna do good, plus if a concern was raised about me, I'm sure they're looking for someone else already.

Two days later, I was called for the workshop and the costume fitting. I actually got it. When I talked to the caster, it turns out, the concern raised about the casting wasn't about me. It was about my scene partner who has a conflicting product ad. I actually got the job from the start (and I always hoped I did) but I didn't really expect it to come.

I met up with the assistant director, Direk Doreen (who was so good and funny) and my co-actor, Ezra Lacsamana who also works for an ad agency. I knew already I was gonna have a fun shoot.

We went to this dilapidated building in Binondo, Manila that had a rather weird smell. I was actually wondering what kind of location it was going to be. I was told that the director, Mark Querubin, liked the style of the windows and the rooms. And whaddaya know, they transformed one of the high-ceiling units into a nice New York look apartment with the sunlight (a.k.a. very powerful spotlight) shining through one of the windows.

All in all, it was such a fun shoot. The directors were great. The artists and stylists were kind. The food was fantastic (yes, Lucky Me was good. It wasn't hard to do the consumption shot because it was good). The crew were smiling while working (directors' rule, which I think is a brilliant rule). The ad agency was accommodating. They even gave us our costumes; I now call them the Lucky Me shirt and Lucky Me shorts. It was great, great day. And work couldn't have been any lighter and more fun.

I was so thankful of how events took place and even how my schedule paved its own way. Rehearsals finished early during the night of my workshop; rehearsals got canceled during the day of my shoot. It's as if it was tailor made. Truly an unexpected song that was music to my ears.

In the end, I look back and yes, I did hope to get it, and yes I also claimed it but I never expected it to be mine nor did I think it was mine to own. In the end of all things anyway, it's only God's will where things will lead (or for others, it's only up to fate). It is only up to Him how things that are beyond our control are shaped. We can only do as much, and yes, we have to work as hard as we can, but that doesn't mean we own the universe. We always have to remember that we are still mere creations and we have to humble ourselves to that fact. We hope; we pray; we claim. But never own. Only work hard and things will fall our way in the right time.

"Unexpected Song" (Weber)

It's been a while since i last wrote a blog. I guess I didn't have the time nor the patience to write one now that I finally got a break from projects and work, I can finally write again.

We closed two productions recently, High School Musical Live of Blue Repertory and Basilia ng Malolos of Dulaang U.P. Just months ago, I can still remember being hesitant about taking these productions and now they're already part of my past.

November last year, Andrei asked me if I was willing to be musical director for High School Musical. I told him, I don't think I'm ready for such a task yet. I can vocal coach but directing music is something else. He said since the accompaniment is not live it shouldn't be any different. I took it although I was scared for what was to happen.

I just told myself, if they didn't think I could handle it, then they wouldn't even get me. Then the schedule problems came in. During that time, I was still doing Joseph the Dreamer with Trumpets. I couldn't attend both auditions but I was able to teach the audition applicants some pieces for the callbacks. When I looked into their eyes, I felt like I was being eaten alive by a mob of teenagers and kids. Some of them are even older than me. I second guessed myself but I knew I had to go on.

Then rehearsals started. Turns out, it's not such a scary experience after all. In fact, it feels good to be able to teach something I know to other people. As Direk Chari would put it, there are some things we gotta pass on to other people. Besides, I don't think society will grow if skills are to be confined to ourselves. So I told myself that aside from teaching them what to sing, I gotta make sure they learn something by the time we finish. I seriously hope they did.

Come December, I went to the US for a 1 week vacation. During my stay there, I was called by Dulaang U.P. and was offered a role for their sarsuela Basilia ng Malolos. I have heard about this sarsuela from JB Capino who wrote the libretto for Tanghalang Ateneo's Lam-ang. He told me through email that someone might contact me about a sarsuela. So they did. When I came back, I met with Direk Jose Estrella regarding the material and my schedule. Again, I was hesitant. I haven't done a Filipino musical for quite some time already and DUP is known to have radical plays (not to mention nudity). I read the script and found no such things in it so I took it despite my reservations. Things don't really just come your way for no reason. Some people might call it luck or precedence of reputation but I consider it providence.

Meanwhile, all songs have been taught to the HSM cast. Now it's a matter of integration and polishing. This is the part that was most draining. I used to think that it's easier to be on the design team than to be a cast member. I now know I'm mistaken. As a cast member, the only thing you worry about is how you do your part and how you can contribute to the bigger picture. Being in the design team means creating that bigger picture with 30 brains and bodies that may not always understand or obey what you say. There were times when I lost my temper but I guess sometimes it is necessary to jog everyone's brains back to work. Looking back, I feel really bad shouting at them or banging on the desk but if I didn't care, I guess I wouldn't have been mad at all. As I've told them, I only wanted them to be the best they can. I want them to work hard so that when the last day comes, they will cry because of the hard work they put in their show and the pride of what they have all accomplished together.

Once HSM was set, I started focusing on my rehearsals with Basilia ng Malolos. Boy, was it so tough for me. I didn't know anyone at all. The language was a bit too deep. And I had to get used to unamplified speech since we weren't gonna use individual lapels for the show. But thanks to the kind directors such as Direk Jose and Arlo, and the funny ones like BJ, I was able to pull myself through the difficulties. Of course, life would've been hell without people like Bosses Joann, Sam and Hazel who assisted me with stuff that I missed. There were a lot of technical problems and some issues that stressed everyone in the production but in the end, we put up a good show and one that sends out a good message as well: equality and fairness.

Soon enough, both shows opened and had a good run. There were fun times and stressful times. There were hyper days and sugarlow ones. But summing it all up I could only say one thing: they are productions I will never forget. I won't forget them not because of the precision and the perfection; not because of the applause and the standing ovations; not because of the glory we felt on stage. I will never forget these productions because of the people I met, the people I encountered, the people I got to know and the people I got to care for. They started as strangers but towards the end, they became friends and some even became family.

They have all left a mark in me whether it be a good one or a bad one. The only thing important is that there were marks left because in the end, those marks are the ones forming the picture of my life. I guess what I'm trying to say is thanks for everything. You've taught me a great deal about a lot of things. I only hope I've changed your lives the way you changed mine. I hope to work with you guys again. It has been always said that people change. To me, what matters is that I changed with you. Now you're a part of my life.



"People Change" (Leonard)

As children, we associate Christmas with material things.  We haven't reached the maturity needed to be able to understand the essential things of the holiday season.  For most children, Christmas is about toys, tinsels, trees, lights and shiny stuff.  It's all about how much we have and how much we grab.  The blessings counted are the boxes being unwrapped

Getting older, unfortunately, does not guarantee that our views change.  In fact, we do retain a lot of our childish behaviors.  Before Christmas came, I wanted a car, but my parents gave me wise advice that I should wait until next year (my pick-up is still functional anyway).  I was hoping for a new phone which I am still contemplating on purchasing.  I wanted new software and PC games.  These are all material things.  Somehow, I still equate Holiday gratification with material needs.

However, in the midst of our materialistic behavior, we still get to see the real important things in life: our lives, our families, our friends.

Thank you so much for the people who greeted me and spent my birthday with me starting with my loving family.  Thanks dad and mom for the one-week vacation and for the fantastic get-together during the past days.  Thanks to Ate Richelle, my eldest sister for always having us in her thoughts and her prayers.  Thanks to Diche Rosetti, my elder sister for being my best friend and crazy companion.

I thank God for the people in my life.

December 23, 2006

Toff de Venecia
Via Multiply
(12/23/06 07.44)
hey felix! i hope you're having a fantastic time there abroad!
anyway, advanced happy birthday! i wish you all the best in the year ahead...
more blessings and more pounds! mwahahaha! joke!
take care brother! camon!

December 24, 2006

Red Alalay
Via text
(12/2406 00.00)
Hapy bday

Raffy Casas
Via text
(12/24/06 00.30)
Happy birthday

Kat Avelino
Via Friendster
(12/24/06 00.55)
Hey Felix!
How are you na? Happy Birthday! God bless...
Kat

Mark Tayag
Via text
(12/24/06 02.07)
hpi bday felix!Ü merry Christmas 2 u & y0r family!Ü

Von de Guzman
Via text
(12/24/06 02.19)
happy birthday oyshi ü

Robbie Romero
Via text
(12/24/06 03.26)
Happy birthday!Ü all the best! Ü

April Riego
Via YM
(12/24/06 05.22)
Happy birthday!

Jepoy Ramos
Via 3G Call
(12/24/06 05.43)

Jepoy Ramos
Via text
(12/24/06 06.42)
Hey it was really awesome talking. Mann. I missed chillin with ya. Haha. Imma call ya when i get home. So many stories. Haha! Imma super miss ya blood bro! Have an awesome birthday, a merry christmas and a blessed new year! Hi to your sister again. Haha. Peash bro!

Manny Lahoz
Via text
(12/24/06 07.15)
Felix, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Hope you have a great one, and pray you have many more wonderful years ahead. Welcome home.

Carms Hernandez
Via text
(12/24/06 07.47)
Hey hey hey! Hapi birthday felix!Ü how young are u na? Hehehe!Ü hope ur doing ok and happy bcoz evry1 dserves to be! :) cheerios!

Gel Santos
Via text from Australia
(12/24/06 08.48)
hey flex,happy birthday and merry christmas !:) miss you na!:) –gel

Jaime Barcelon
Via text
(12/24/06 09.04)
Hey! Welcome home! Hapi birthday!:p

June Veras
Via text
(12/24/06 09.04)
Hapi bertdi 2 u! I ncourej u w/ ds verse:4 HE(GOD)Himself has sed,I WILL NOT n any way fail u nor give u up nor leave u w/o support. [I WILL] NOT,[I WILL]NOT,[I WILL]NOT n any degree leave u helpless nor 4sake nor let[u]down(relax my hold n u)![ASSUREDLY NOT]!So we take comfort &r ncouragd & confidently&boldly say,D Lord s my Helper;I wil not b seized w/ alarm [I wil not fear or dread or b terified].wat cn man do 2 me?Heb 13:5b,6

Itoy Velez
Via text
(12/24/06 09.21)
Goodmrng flex! happy happy birthday! :)

KV Villareal
Via text
(12/24/06 09.53)
Happy birthday, Flex!Ü Enjoy your day! -=Mark&KV=-

Ena Astudillo
Via text
(12/24/06 10.34)
In dSilenceof urHeART,Listen2 dmelodyof goodness:what uhave doneforothers,isthesweetestmusicurHeARTcan everhold.. =)HAPPY BIRTHDAY Felix! ;-) -ena

Franssen Bondoc
Via text
(12/24/06 11.05)
Felix, happy birthday bro. ü

Rhem David
Via YM
(12/24/06 11.09)

Kyla Rivera
Via text
(12/24/06 11.40)
Happy birthday and merry christmas sweets.

Jam Mancenido
Via Cellular Phone Call
(12/24/06 11.58)

Monica Tiosejo
Via text
(12/24/06 13.26)
Are ya home na birthday boy? Ü

Johann de la Fuente
Via text
(12/24/06 13.40)
Happy birthday! Hehe. Heard ur hair is black na. Ka chat ko jepoy nw, in japan. Enjoy ur day! Welcome home.:-)

Maita Ponce
Via text
(12/24/06 13.41)
Felix!! Happy birthday! Loves ya lots!

Lara Villaluz
Via text
(12/24/06 14.03)
Hi kuya Oysius!Ü happy birthdaaaay.Ü - Lara :)

David Cosico
Via text
(12/24/06 14.19)
Hey! Happy Birthday! Ü

Noodles Chua
Via text
(12/24/06 15.18)
Are you back? Happy happy birthday bro!

Manang Fely
Via text
(12/24/06 15.38)
Hi! Felix Happy Birthday! Manang Fely ito.

Laura Cabochian
Via text
(12/24/06 15.43)
Many were beheaded, most were stabbed with a spork. Too bad. No more HSM Cast. Joke. Ü Welcome back, Merry Christmas, and happy birthday, Felix!

Riza
Via Friendster
(12/24/06 15.58)
Hi!

Surprise! Itz me, Riza Vinzon of Metta's previous musical production 3,999. Remember me ??? Anyway I recently graduated from Assumption Communication dept. Batch '06!!! Just want 2 wish you a Happy Birthday & Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year to you. May you enjoy your special day and Hope that this coming Year of the PIG 2007 be a great & successful year for you. See you soon. God bless.

Nikko Atienza
Via text
(12/24/06 16.11)
Oh, i forgot, welcome back and happy 24th birthday :)

Jaime del Mundo
Via text
(12/2406 17.02)
Hey Felix! Happy Birthday buddy! Have a good one. And Merry Christmas! Ü

Gibbz Arcilla
Via text
(12/24/06 17.24)
Hey felix. Happy birthday and merry christmas. Have a good one. Take care..

Harold Cruz
Via text
(12/24/06 17.36)
Hey dude. Happy happy happy birthday!!! :-)

Oggs Cruz
Via text
(12/24/06 17.36)
Happy birthday!

Pom Docena
Via Multiply
(12/24/06 18.21)
hoppy birthday!
ho ho ho

RK Rebong
Via text
(12/24/06 18.28)
Diko, hapi boitday!

Brenda Benito
Via text
(12/24/06 18.52)
Happy Birthday!

Kakki Teodoro
Via text
(12/24/06 18.59)
FELIX! Ru here already?Ü Merry Christmas and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!Ü

Kiting Villaluz
Via text
(12/24/06 19.08)
Happy bday!

Marla Pabalan
Via text
(12/24/06 21.05)
Flex! Happy birthday!Ü

Mahar Mangahas
Via text
(12/24/06 21.09)
Happy birthday! And this is not a Merry Christmas text. 2 events, 2 texts.

Pinky Reyes
Via text
(12/24/06 23.22)
shempre muntik na ko ma-late! Kasi nag-alarm ako ng midnight of 25th! wahahaha! HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAY!

Franco Laurel
(12/24/06 23.26)
Before the stroke of midnight and before greeting you a Merry Christmas, I want to greet you a Happy Birthday! Bro you are truly a blessing! I wish you all the best and may your dreams come true! Here's to a lifetime of friendship. :-) God bless you! :-)

Jomar Malinay
Via text
(12/24/06 23.34)
Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas!Ü Enjoy the holidays and May GOD Bless you and ur family!Ü –Jomar Ü

Sandro Hermoso
Via text
(12/24/06 23.35)
Hapi bday nga pla!

December 25, 2006

Ren Robles
Via text
(12/25/06 00.21)
Three-in-one message! Welcome home! Happy birthday! Merry Christmas! :-) –ren.

Crisel Consunji
Via text
(12/25/06 00.47)
Merry Christmas and a happy birthday :-)

Cheche
Via text
(12/25/06 02.35)
Happy birthday felix! I thank God for you. Merry Christmas! Ü

Mike Carag
Via text
(12/25/06 04.29)
Hapy bday, belated, dude. Il c u ds wk.

Andrei Pamintuan
Via text
(12/25/06 09.46)
Happy Birthday felix man! Ü

Lovely de Leon
Via Friendster
(12/25/06 11.15)
happy birthday dude!!! musta?

Manny Licsi
Via text
(12/25/06 15.31)
Belated happy birthday felix and a very merry Christmas to you! :-)

Reb Atadero
Via text
(12/25/06 19.37)
Sir felix! Merry Christmas. welcome back and belated happy birthday.-reb

Some greetings through text may have been lost while I was out of the country but I am grateful for those ones as well.

These are the things that count during the holidays and throughout the whole year.  It's not the tinsels or the glimmering worldly things that most of the times are just distractions in our lives or simply means to ends.  These are the people that grace my life and the people who make me feel alive, and all I can say is that they are all I want for my birthday and for Christmas.

"All I Want for Christmas is You" (Afanasieff)

People say pain is one of man's curses. No one in their right mind would want to get hurt. Pain brings about fear and despair. And with the presence of fear comes the loss of living life in the present. People in pain either starts dwelling in the past or gets lost in fear for the future.

Two days ago, Joseph the Dreamer closed after running for 3 months. The 2pm show was the hardest show to do because my fear for the end and the pain of it clouded my character/s. On stage, a performer must learn how to empty his bodily shell to be able to replace it with a new person. During that last performance, my real self overpowered the new person I placed in me. My thoughts simply dwelled on everything that we've gone through.

I was telling Jepoy that while I was driving to Megamall, I was having glimpses. He asked what I meant by glimpses and I told him it's when I get flashes of the beginning. In fact, when I remember JTD, I remember more of the rehearsals and the workshops more the show itself. I remember how we woke up early in the morning for our morning rehearsals at Dance Arts. I remember how we'd warm up physically and "ngo"fully. I remember hip hop workshops and gymnastics where we'd all sweat together and pig out afterwards. I'd remember getting to know everyone.

I remember Ring and how she's "mataray" but once you hug her, you'd feel like all your troubles are far away.

I remember Mommy Ems and how she's always bouncy and cheerful. I remember how devoted she is to her family. She is our sweet sweet mommy.

I remember Ashley and how sweet she is to us. This girl is like my sister who I would care for no matter what.

I remember PG and her expressive eyes that cannot lie. I remember her humor and the way she would cheer me up with our simple face-the-cam-and-do-a-funny-face. Put your head on her shoulder and you'll find peace.

I remember Joel and Maita who shared their smiles every time we see them. If ever you feel down, talk to them and they'll make sure that smile will be back on your face again.

I remember Shanda and her unforgiving ear for music. I remember how her silence and that simple smile she wears everywhere.

I remember Lloyd and his dedication to work. He would always inspire me to have my scripts memorized as soon as I can.

I remember Butch and his rocker look. But beneath that rocker is the heart of a comedian and a heart of a concerned brother.

I remember Jandy and his grins: his grins that say how mischievous he can be and his grins that tell you life is manageable and you can do whatever you set yourself to do.

I remember Tito Raymund and his youthful heart. I remember how he is a father to us all and yet a source of youthful energy.

I remember June V. and his genuine concern for everyone in the cast and everyone outside it. His charitable heart always reminds me to spread goodness in this world.

I remember Cairo and his innocence. When I have son, I want him to be exactly like Cairo.

I remember Johann and his dedication to theater. If you're feeling low energy on stage, tap into Johann and you'll be back on your feet. I also remember Johann and how he would always invite us to gimmick.

I remember JC and how late he usually is. Hehe. More importantly, I remember the good advice he would usually give when someone is in need of it.

I remember George and how brotherly he is to all. He might have a weird sense of humor but his pats on the back will keep you looking at the bright side. I remember how he would go out of his way for us and how thoughtful he is at every instance.

I remember Boyd and his words of practical wisdom. I also remember his as one of the big brothers of this cast who's always there to give a helping hand and a helpful advice.

I remember Rycharde and his generosity with music. Whenever he'd hear a good song for any of us he would always give us a smile and tell us he has something for us. I remember how funny he is and how it would give us the energy we need to last the day.

I remember Noodles and her birthday surprises. I remember how she would always try her best to meet all our needs and make us happy whenever and wherever.

I remember Ate Carol, Ate Bing, Tita Jinggay, Michelle, Jhellai and the others who took care of our professional needs.

I remember our beloved production staff, Dennis and the others who not only assisted us with every need on stage but who also made us laugh on the wings. They are our brothers.

I remember Manang Lita and Ate Agon who draped us with colorful costumes and who would allow us to give them warm hugs to make us feel good.

I remember Che che and Alvin L. who were always there for Franco and who were always there for us as well. Thank you for extending yourselves to the rest of us.

I remember Alvin John who led me to Joseph by inviting me to audition. I remember how he led all of us as a good Trumpets president.

I remember Franco who taught me more than the technicalities of stage. But I remember him more for sharing with me visions of God's blessings to all of us. I have learned so much from you and for that I will forever be grateful. You truly are God's gift to us.

I remember Jepoy who served as my mirror and who reminded me that I still have a child in my heart. Without you, JTD wouldn't have been that fun. In fact, without you, I wouldn't have felt bonded to the rest of the cast. You have been an earnest ear and a faithful companion throughout this run and I thank God that I have met a friend such as you. In fact, I repeat what I said before, "You are already family to me."

I remember Tito Freddie who didn't just direct us as actors and performers but who directed us as persons. This run has been so meaningful because of you and your words of wisdom. You have opened so many eyes and hearts. You have made us see things we wouldn't see. You have made us understand things that may seem so difficult. You have helped us reach our goals and led to us to the road of our future goals. Tito Freddie, you are our window to God's words. We owe you so much and we love you. Thank you for leading us to our first day.

I remember all these people and all the things we've gone through: arduous rehearsals, fun outings, birthday celebrations, late night chatting, etc. And now that it is all over, these memories cause me pain. It causes me to hurt because now that Joseph the Dreamer is over, I will not see them as often as before. It is true that our friendship will not die. But it won't be the same as how we spent it during the last 3 months. I'm hurting because it will be different from now on.

But then, I am happy that I am feeling pain. It is a weird notion but I'm happy because knowing that I'm in and feeling pain means that I value all of the people and all of the events in the deepest regions of my soul. Being in pain means I have held them all close to my heart. And for me, that's the most important thing: that at one point, we started something and it will grow into the future no matter what way it may be.

From now on, there won't be JTD. There will only be me. But I'm glad to know that when I left JTD, I left with so much more. The end is only the first day and the start of the rest of our lives... together.

"From Now On" (Trzetrzelewska/White)

I haven't used two song titles for a heading but there's always a first time for everything.  The first song title says so much about what I will write about but the second one, I can say, is the soul of the idea.  Well, that and the fact that it is the theme song of the movie that inspired me to write this entry.

Let's look into some common allusions typically used in literature.  Coldness is usually linked to death because, apparently, dead people are literally cold.  Heat, on the other hand, is attributed to passion.  When someone is in a fight or flight mode, his adrenaline rises causing a hyped up system.  In the process, blood is pumped faster raising the human body's temperature.  I'm supposing it is already obvious why the first title is Burn.

One of the greatest killers of the human spirit is mediocrity.  Mediocrity kills dreams; dreams create futures; futures support life.  In a sense, mediocrity is one of the greatest killers of man.  There is a certain element of coldness in this killing element.  It totally removes the sense of passion and passion is half of what makes us human.  I say that because the other half is our mind, our intellect.  Everyone knows this: it's our classic heart and head concept.

I just finished watching Music of the Heart.  It's a movie based on a true story that talks about Roberta Guaspari's struggle to fight for what she believes in.  And she does this not because it will benefit her alone, but because it will benefit the children she believed in.  She fought for it because it's the right thing to do.

Roberta Guaspari is a divorced wife, a single mother of two and a frustrated concert violinist.  After she was separated from her husband, she returned home.  She applied at a school to teach a violin class.  At first, she was rejected but because of her persistence, she was able to convince the directress to accept her as a sub.  At some point, she just wanted to depend on her mother for support but she had to find a job for her children.  She fought for her kids.

As her first term progressed, she encountered problems.  She was depressed about her divorce; she was troubled with her kids' yearning for a father.  She wanted to quit.  The cold enveloped her but she didn't give up.  She fought for her children, for her family.

Now she has an even bigger challenge: more children, her students.  Some didn't have the interest; some were not allowed; and some were just plain rowdy.  As contrast to another music teacher who cared about nothing but the ticking clock and dismissal, she worked on her students, inspired them to learn and encouraged them to excel.  She was frank about quality but she was equally blunt about potential.  If the sound sucked, she'd tell her students outright, but she would also tell them the right things to do, the right path.  If it meant giving them private lessons free of charge, she'd do it.  She fought for her students.

Ten years later, her program was shut down because there was no budget for her class.  She could've easily let go but she knew that music has touched her students and has inspired them to excel in other visions.  She rallied the parents and the faculty and looked for all means to save the program, not for herself but for her students and her future students.  Problems came in left and right but God provided and everything worked out.  She fought for the future.

She started cold.  I could say she was knocked out cold when her husband left her.  But don't we all fall.  Life is a bunch of falls.  Life is unfair.  But what matters is what we do with it.  She was knocked out cold but she rose up and burned her passion for what she does best.  And she burned with passion to be her best not only for herself but more because of her children: maternal children and scholar children.  She burned so much that she heard a ringing in her ear that sang the music of her heart.  She heard her heart and it spoke to her: rise above your misery and make other lives better because in so doing, you'll lift your spirit higher.

Director Freddie Santos told us that all person has a desire for good.  It's only a matter of whether that person has a desire for his selfish needs or desire for the good of others that determine his heart.  We all have hearts.  We just have to decide whether to kill it in the cold or burn it with good passion.  Maybe we can all burn up and hear that music in our hearts.

Burn (Arena/Reswick/Werfel)

Music of My Heart (Warren)

It takes time for diamonds to form.  It takes years for Sequioas to grow.  It takes a lifetime for a man to live.  And in that period of time they all dream for brilliance; they reach for the sky; they aim for perfection.  But when and how is that perfection attained?

Last week, I had a fill of discussions about excellence and humility: during a talk in our company call, our director, Freddie Santos, talked about that subject.  He said that the essence of humility is excellence.  Later that night, while having a casual discussion with friends, one of them said that no one can proclaim that he or she is humble, otherwise, that would be considered bragging.  After one show, a Playshopper told me that we should not be flattered because of her appraisal for greater things will still come our way.  Put them all together and it is one enlightening lesson in life.

The essence of humility is excellence.  Other people might get the impression that this is a contradiction.  However, it is more of a paradox.  It is true that the superficial outlook on excellence is attributed to elitism and pride.  People think that to be famous, one must be excellent.  While there is truth in these clauses, one must remember that the spirit of excellence is to become better with each moment that passes by.  The greatest enemy of excellence is the idea that one is good enough or is the best because it is then that one stops to be better.

What will crack wits is that to be better, one must admit that he or she is not perfect, that he or she is in fact not excellent enough.  Therein comes the spirit of humility.  To be humble is not to say that we are incapable of doing things.  To be humble is to admit that we are still on the journey of growth, on the journey of reaching the top.  To be excellent, one must be humble.  And in humility, one becomes excellent in time.  We shouldn't say that we are the best; instead, we should say that we aim for the best.

Proclamation of humility is an act of arrogance.  Think about it.  When you hear someone attest that he or she is humble, isn't there that nagging feeling that you don't want to believe that person?  Why is that the case?  It's like reverse-psychology.  You proclaim that your humble; that means you have something to be humble about (which is also the same as being proud about something).  That, in a sense, is a subtle way of arrogance.  I think humility is a virtue left for others to observe than for you to broadcast.  Don't say you're humble; instead, say that you are humbled by those before you.  That way, you establish in yourself your place in the universe and your path in destiny.

Flattery gets one nowhere.  The same holds for those who are flattered.  Dante Alighieri wrote in his Divine Comedy that flatterers belong to the 6th circle of hell and its sinners are dropped inside septic pockets head first.  To be flattered is sometimes healthy, that is if it serves to remind you how far you've gone and how farther you can go.  However, if flattery gets to someone's head, it leaves a person in danger of stopping growth.  He or she may think that they have reached the top based on people's appraisals.  Wrong.  There are more than 4 billion people on this planet, not to mention an unimaginable number of entities in the universe.  It will take more than a million lifetimes to claim everyone's appraisal.  And in the midst of creation, each of us is but a speck.  So the Playshopper is correct, one must not be flattered by a mere praise.  One must work to make sure that appraisal is worthy of the one who was praised. 

By the way, this Playshopper is pre-teen.  It is amazing what we can hear from those who are younger than us.

In the end, we realize that perfection is a lifelong process.  Only in death and afterlife can we proclaim perfection.  After all, perfection is only attained once we are one with the Creator.  And the manner of reaching this perfection is not through seeing how big we are but how significant we can be to the universe.  We are a neverending potential until the end.  We work on that by keeping in mind that we can be better.  And it is not about being better than others.  It is written that there will always be men who are greater and lesser than us.  What matters is that we aim to be better than ourselves all the time so that we are always on that road of growth.  We reach for the top but we must keep our head leveled.

I thank God for the kids and the Playshoppers who watched us and who approached us after our show.  What they told us made my day.  They said that they want to be like us when they grow up.  That encouraged me beyond thought that I must strive to be better for myself and for others.  They reminded me that I can inspire lives and encourage spirits.  I was reminded that I am a child of the universe, a child of God and that I want to be better everyday so that I'll be worthy when my time ends.

"Reach" (Warren)